Jerri-Lynn here. Yves asked me to place this message at the top of today’s Links:
Yesterday when I wrote that my mother had gone to the hospital, in an early version I had added, “And I don’t think she’s coming home.”
That proved to be correct. She died on Christmas Day at 1:20 PM.
Even though she had early dementia, it showed up only in often poor short term memory. She still had a sophisticated vocabulary, made cynical observations, and could argue energetically when it suited her….up until she wrenched her knee two weeks ago. She was bedridden after that. Even though she could have rehabbed, she’s always resisted exercising and doing physical therapy. She seemed to have given up after having set boundary conditions that meant she’d be in a hospital bed, whether at home or in a facility, for the rest of her life.
I didn’t see her on her last day. I was set to come in the afternoon. The hospital has strict Covid rules, with only one visitor at a time and two total in a day, so the daytime aide, a former New York City taxi driver who liked to handle everything and had a sometimes-sparring relationship with my mother, was taking the morning and the early afternoon. My mother had a chest X-ray in the morning, and all of the handling of her had debilitated her.
She said several times to the aide that she was dying today, and the aide and later a nurse told her to stop talking like that. My mother had taken recently to saying she would be dying soon, so the aide didn’t take it as seriously as she might have.
She rested for a bit, and then told the aide she wanted her to leave, she couldn’t go to sleep knowing she was there. The plan was for the aide to return later.
She apparently went quickly. Her heartbeat went down and they couldn’t revive her. The hospital professes not to know why she died but their best guess is a heart attack given the sudden failure and that she seemed more energetic than she’d been they day before….before the AM chest X-ray.
I wasn’t able to give her her Christmas card and gift. Of all things, that’s nagging at me.
***
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***
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***
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NY Dept of Health warns of rise in child COVID hospitalizations NY Post
Angry crowds, arguments across NYC as demand for COVID tests rises Fox 5
Governments Wrestling With Omicron Weigh Mitigation Versus Containment WSJ
U.S. airlines scrap nearly 1,000 Christmas Day flights due to Omicron Reuters
***
ECONOMICS: THEORIES VS. STORIES Public Books
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Class Warfare
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The Folly of Means-Testing a Child Allowance People’s Policy Project
Harvard and others nixing standardized tests reinforce privilege and harm minorities NY Post
The VP rode this same San Fran tough-on-crime liberalism all the way to an arrhythmic heartbeat from the White House https://t.co/OdG9em4XnZ
— Mark Ames (@MarkAmesExiled) December 24, 2021
Thanks to everyone who helped me take a break from holiday fundraising & recover from COVID https://t.co/FWpSttMNkX
— Mike Elk (@MikeElk) December 26, 2021
Biden Administration
Washington’s real credibility problem Responsible Statecraft
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Year In Review: Diluting Environmental Norms May Derail India’s Ambitious Climate Goals India Spend
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Climate Change: How Fast Fashion Hurts The Environment India Spend
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Implants ‘must carry stronger warnings about cancer risk’ Guardian
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China?
Myanmar
Worldly, Charming, and Quietly Equipping a Brutal Military NYT
Antidote du Jour (via):
See yesterday’s Links and Antidote du Jour here.
And a bonus video:
— Sam (@SamMarinoESC) December 25, 2021
301 comments
Comments are closed.
Yves, sorry to hear about your mom. A Long life and she had a good daughter…….
Condolences Yves.
All love, Yves.
Now comes this moment, you left NYC for Ala for your mother. And now the reason is gone, but NYC is not who it was. The bonds of love are thus dissolved, and you are faced with freedom. What shall you do?
This moment. Take it, and breath.
All love.
Thanks. Yes, I have a big issue about where to live. This pocket of Alabama is very comfortable for families or those with relatives nearby, but the South is not very receptive to single professional women, let alone older single women.
And it shows up all sorts of ways. I have an Rx from my NYC doctor for some imaging (I’ve gotten both bloodwork and other types of imaging done down here on an NYC Rx), an uncommon but far from unheard of scan. In NYC, it only took a little doing to find two places where I could get the test, as in call and say I had an Rx. Here, I can’t find a regular lab that does it and the MD contacts have all wanted to insert themselves and shove my NYC MD out of the picture to dig their hands in my pocket.
IM Doc viewed this as a symptom of the way the South devalues women’s health.
But for NYC, I still very much miss it but I can’t justify the costs (taxes and rents) which are set to claw back some of the premium pay that professionals who work there get. Blogging is not in that category.
Condolences on your mom. May I suggest WNY for relocation?
Take your time, you’ll figure it out.
I know it meant the world to your mother that you moved down there to spend your time with her!
I lost both my parents this year. Both were in their late 80s. Each person is different. But I understand a little of your grief. Please accept my condolences.
Some of the older Jersey streetcar suburbs may be a nice compromise. I think it was Montclair I visited many years ago and thought it would be a nice place to live. And still a transit ride from Manhattan.
I lost my Mom one year ago this October, and my Dad this year in June. Tough, we cried, but we remember…we live their best advice and teachings…and we cherish the good memories. (and yes, even some of the bad – when they teach lessons of their own)
Condolences to you, to Yves, to anyone who has lost someone now…recently…or ever.
Moments like this I like Grateful Dead/’Touch of Grey’….or maybe ‘The Wheel’. Then again, some Traveling Wilburys/’End of the Line’ is that kind of…wistful, but happy dammit….song, appropriate for passing of those dear to us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMVjToYOjbM
“…I can’t justify the costs (taxes and rents)…”
There’s a lottery for brand new, fairly luxurious, rent-stabilized residences at Hunters Point South Park (Long Island City) here—“apply by 12/29/2021.” There are income qualifications [$15,806–$137,940 for a single-person household] and preference is given to New York City residents so the competition is probably pretty stiff. There will be another lottery for residences in a second tower at a later date, according to this YouTube video.
My condolences.
Warmest condolences Yves. Although it is tough now with time you will hear her words and recall all the wonderful times you shared.
Condolences. My Mom had dementia and passed this year after a fall and subsequent hip surgery. She declined rehab and eventually stopped eating.
Sorry for your loss…you did everything you could for her…rest in peace mama bear
My mom was a terribly strong woman, so that’s never been a problem for me. It’s been just over ten years since she passed. One of the things that has always made me feel right about it is the idea that her ship sails on, powerful and beautiful, it’s just sailed on beyond the horizon, but it sails on.
Yes I’m saddened that Yves has lost her parent. My condolences.
Condolences on losing your mother, Yves. It appears that she went out on her own terms.
I lost my 94 year old dad to liver cancer last year. Due to the pandemic, I was not able to make the 800-mile trip to attend his funeral. I was able to talk to him over Zoom two days before he passed. It’s admirable that you were willing to re-locate to Alabama to be near your mom. I find myself wishing I could have done the same thing for dad.
My condolences, Yves.
I hope you can remember the care and love you had for your mother, and she for you in regards to the gift – the thought is indeed what counts.
I lost my mum to cancer some time ago. A bit later, I was doing work in the forests in the North of Nicaragua when I thought about her and wrote this.
It’s called ‘Fireflies’ and I offer it to you:
Beneath the forest rise, beneath a yellowed, rolled-gold moon
the fireflies rose and fell like fairy inhalations,
filling the spaces where the toucan calls fell quiet
as purple-horrored dusk fell into night.
I put my hand out to the halting, flickered lights
that blinked on every tree, on every blade of grass,
the flickered, halting pulses of feeble light
half-lived, half-danced between alive and destitute of dreams.
The days of wine and roses are not long, said old Khayyam;
but in between my fingers glowed the last light of my mother’s smile,
a smile I hadn’t seen in twenty years – and in the pause of light
(reminder of it’s repetition) all things that fade return again.
I laughed, and blew half life, half dark from in between my hands, stood,
drifted on a mountain meadow in the middle of ten thousand friends
whose flashes showed the synapses of dream that never ends, a circuit whole,
death-life, life-death, the fire-fly loves I knew and thought had gone
Who never went away.
I’m sorry for your loss, Yves. I hope and pray you have peace at this time. Also, thank you so much for all you do. You make a difference!
Condolences, Yves; I’m so very sorry for your loss. She was very lucky to have you not only as the fierce advocate you are, but as a wonderful daughter.
Regarding relocation: may I suggest suburban Philly? Amenities in these parts have improved to the point that we’re receiving an influx of New Yorkers. And once travel is again possible, New York trips are very doable. Our NYC clients always commented that getting to Philly was easier than getting to Long Island. Just a thought.
Indeed it is, very sad to hear of this news. Condolences on the loss and the mourning that brings with it.
Sympathy and empathy from us. Cry all you want, all you need, all you can.
Our deepest condolences. Take care of yourself.
Yves, deepest sympathy.
Condolences Yves. Very sorry for your loss.
Condolences.
Yves, I do know that feeling of not doing something in those last moments. My father died many years ago in far distant California, as I, in Tennessee, was preparing to fly out to his bedside that very day. I wasn’t able to be with him in those final moments. Still, I feel solace in the fact that I was active in his life, in his care, in the many happy times we shared before his death. I send you many good thoughts as your grieve your mother’s death. The memories sustain.
This is, to me, a helpful saying from 4th Century St. John Chrysostom:
“He whom we love and lose,
Is no longer where he was before.
He is wherever we are.”
Thank you for that quote, brought a tear to my eye…
My condolences dear Yves. Take care and best of luck on deciding where to live.
Awful news. Very sorry about your loss.
Yes, very sorry to hear about your mom. My sister is going into palliative care, and yesterday may be the last time I will see her. A memorable holiday season for all the wrong reasons. Keep the faith sister.
I’m really sorry.
Condolences.
In the Catholic faith today is the Feast of the Holy Family. Condolences on your loss.
Yves Smith: Please accept my sympathy.
I find “Ithaka” by Constantine Cavafy to be a good summing up of what we want out of life, what we may get out of life, and how we should think of things:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51296/ithaka-56d22eef917ec
Condolences for your loss. I consider your mom a vital contributor to NC
Also saddened at the passing of Yves’ mom as I feel I came to know her a bit through Yves’ updates. And I’d like to emphasize the observation above Yves’ devotion as a daughter — a really good daughter.
I’m very sorry Yves.. My sincere condolences.
I am so sorry to hear of this loss.
Yves,
My heart goes out to you! Last year we lost my mom on Christmas Eve and none of us could go visit her due to COVID in the lead-up to her death. It was awful. I can only imagine how you feel.
I owe you a hug at the next NC meetup we’re both at.
Yves, I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you Yves, for sharing your story. My deepest sympathies.
Your experiences helped me make sense of the decline of some of my elders and I am sure the memory of your story will continue to be a help and a comfort for years to come, which I am sure is also true for many other NC readers.
Yves – nothing really to say about an irreplaceable loss but I can offer a little music –
Satisfied mind (Brian Bowers)
https://youtu.be/fpZgzH2XoQ4
And EmmyLou singing Someday My Ship will Sail
https://youtu.be/8s22MknMcDo
The Bach Cello Suites got me through my mother’s passing. Wishing you solace.
Deepest condolences.
Condolances Yves
Yves, very sorry to hear of the death of your mum.
From your accounts of the trials and tribulations of caring for her, particularly in a Covid world, you can carry with you the comfort of knowing you did your best to be a good daughter, providing well for her needs in her final years.
Heartfelt condolences.
So sorry about your Mom Yves. It is very sad she passed on Christmas. I lost my Dad to dementia on November 14th. He was at advanced stage, but knew who we all were, and understood what we said. He had broken his hip and after surgery the dementia really accelerated quickly, he didn’t want to be bed bound either and wanted to go. It took a couple months because the rest of his body was so strong. It was heartbreakingly hard for my brother, Mom, me and his grandchildren to watch. I’m sending you lots of hugs, because I understand how it hurts, and all the other feelings that come with it.
Condolences to Yves!
Deepest condolences on the loss of you mother, Yves.
Knowing the pain of losing a close loved one, I hope you have all the time you need to deal with your loss.
Condolences…
My condolences Yves, sad to hear. I’m sure that your mum was very appreciative, grateful and very proud of her daughter.
Condolences …..
Very sorry to hear this Yves.
I am very sorry about your mom.
Condolences on your loss.
My condolences. RIP.
Sincere condolences Yves, on the passing of your beloved mom.
Big Hugs
My condolences Yves. Take comfort in your memories and knowing that you have been a very good daughter.
Oh, I am so sorry! There aren’t words that are adequate when some one you love dies! I am praying to whatever good there is in the universe that Yves finds some peace and comfort soon.
Condolences to Yves for her loss.
My condolences for your loss, I have always admired your devotion in caring for your mother. Very sorry to hear.
yes, likewise. Sorry for your loss, Yves.
It was a shock reading this news as I was thinking that she should be back home by now. My condolences for your loss as she seems to have been a very special sort of person – and you stood by her through to the end.
I am sorry to hear about it. I am beginning to think that early dementia in my mother is going to be my story too.
My condolences to Yves. This is such sad news this time of year. But it seems she went peacefully. Rest in Peace.
My deepest sympathies for your loss, Yves.
Sorry for your loss.
Yves,
Sorry to learn of your mothers death.
Condolences for your loss, Yves.
Sorry for your loss. Your mother was an extraordinary woman. She and stories of her life / adventures will be missed.
Sincere condolences to you, Yves. Feel like we got to know her a bit from reading the elements of her life you shared through the years.
Very sorry to hear that Yves but I hope that the commiserations you will receive from this community & elsewhere will ease your pain if only slightly.
Deepest condolences to you Yves. May your mother Rest in Peace.
My condolences to you, Yves. You always wrote so well about her.
Heartfelt sympathy for a cruel Christmas, Yves. Still we pray that all shall be well. Dead poets live on.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
sincere condolences.
regardless of what happened, there will always be a final regret about our duties to the dying and the dead.
and that is part of carrying them with us and inside of us.
hopefully, you will also carry the love and regard i am sure that she had for you.
my thoughts are with you, Yves.
you are not the only one who has lost their mother within this year, and so perhaps i recognize at least some of what you may feel.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort at this time and may your mom rest peacefully.
You mom had some agency right until the end. That, and you, must have been a great comfort to her. Blessings for both of you.
Condolences for your loss. My you find some peace in the new year.
The premonition of death and brief rally just prior is such a strange phenomenon, isn’t it?
I’m so sorry to hear she’s gone.
My mother did the same things back in July of 2019. The rally almost convinced the hospice staff to discharge her, but she was dead three days later.
Yves, I can relate to your meaning to get back to your mother for one last visit. I had the same intentions, but Mom died during the wee hours of the following morning.
And now, just do whatever you need to do. We’ve got your back.
Yves, I am very sorry for your loss. … My mother died in 2020 (in a nursing home where she went about a month before Covid hit), and my father in 2017 (in hospice, pancreatic cancer). I was not able to be with my mom but I was with my father. The facts you report — asking people to leave and the “rally” — strongly resonate. Bless you.
One last burst of life. My mother too “miraculously” improved for a couple of days before passing away.
Yves, condolences.
Last September a 92 yo cousin rallied from the hospital to mow the lawn on Sunday and die on Thursday.
Nagging guilt is the worst. I hope you realize that’s not fair to you. Based on your comments about arranging for her care over many columns, I honestly thought you were a good daughter. One consistently going above and beyond with her. Naturally, it doesn’t matter what I think, but I hope you somehow find the serenity to accept it was her time, that nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome, and that she knew very well how much you loved her. Passing away in her sleep is as gentle as it gets. So now she’s moved onto what’s next and I for one am glad she had a peaceful passing. Finally, I’ll pray for your mind to be at ease. Takes time, I know. God Bless you, Susan.
So sorry to hear of your mother’s passing.
I’m sure that you will miss her at every turn.
Sorry for your loss, Yves. You took care of her well.
My deepest condolences.
I’m sorry for your loss
Sincere condolences. You have often paid tribute to your Mother’s fine qualities. How wonderful that she understood what was happening to her, thereby dying peacefully. And you worked tirelessly on her behalf, therefore
no reason for regrets. (My Mother also managed to die during the half a day I was away from her bedside. Easier to slip away when not being held to this world…) Again, my sincere condolences.
Yves,
Condolences about your loss.
Know that the we in NC community you created are thinking of you at this time.
My condolences on your loss Yves.
Rest In Peace. Adding my condolences and thoughts/prayers for you and your loved ones Yves.
Very sorry to hear about your mother…..stay well.
Thanks to you, Yves, thousands of us feel as if we knew your mother. You have our heartfelt sympathy. I hope you will take all the time you need for yourself, and spend it in the way that’s right for you. Everyone’s journey of loss is different.
Holding you and your mother in the light.
My condolences to Yves on her loss. I and the NC community are here for you.
I can only add more of the same, Yves, to everyone’s kind thoughts here
in sympathy
Very sorry to hear about your mother, Yves. I followed your years-long struggle to keep her safe and healthy on these pages because of my own parents’ frailty. My grandmother died of dementia-related conditions in ‘15 and my father passed on NYE in ‘18-19 from cancer. Today I’m about to board a plane for a Second care shift for my mother who suffered a leg fracture during her knee replacement surgery back in Nov. We never stop caring for our elders, and you and your family will be in my thoughts today. My condolences.
So very sorry to hear about your mother’s passing, Yves. You took excellent care of her throughout. Our deepest condolences during this difficult time.
I hope it is a comfort in the midst of your loss to know that you cared admirably for your Mom.
Our condolences.
My condolences,no matter how expected it is always a shock.
The loss of a parent is singularly painful.
Yves, sending hugs and mountains of love. The emptiness when parents leave is undescribable. May the happy memories carry you through this difficult time.
My dad wanted to die at home, he had a mild incident and was in the hospital with plans to go home the next day. He left us as the sun came up. Sometimes our plans are not their plans.
Thanks for sharing the stores of what your mom said. It give me strength to know to do the same when my time comes.
May she rest in eternal peace. We’ll look for her star up in the sky tonight.
Yves, I am sorry you have lost your Mom. Losing a parent during a holiday associated with family and togetherness can change the experience of that holiday forever (as I know). Take care.
Very sorry. I have my own experience of elder care because I wasn’t willing to put my mother in a nursing home. She also lasted into her nineties. I think it often comes to a point where they are willing to go while we want them to stay. When my aunt did go into a nursing home after a broken hip she didn’t last very long.
My mother was very much opposed to going to a nursing home…at least until these last two weeks when she became bedridden and she didn’t have any more energy to fight.
You left NYC to be with her … that is what matters when you cant stop the clock … she knew it.
Your dedication to make your mom’s final years was the Christmas gift you gave her. She raised a wonderful, caring daughter. Both women with wonderful sharp edges !
Deepest condolences, I’m so sorry to hear this. She sounded like an amazing woman, who raised another amazing woman. Please take care of yourself and take time.
The loss of one’s mother is special, there is nothing quite like it. Heartfelt condolences for this loss, and hope that the hurt of the unfinished will soon mellow.
It’s interesting how people have a sense of when the time is coming and even seem to be able to dictate the time of their departure. Waiting until visitors step out for a minute is fairly common.
And it seems appropriate for the woman you’ve described over the years. As someone else said, I think she kept her agency until the end.
My deepest sympathies. Wishing peace for you and all her loved ones.
Agree. The dying often seem to “pick their own moment” to depart, which is heartening because it demonstrates some sense of mastery until the end.
I chuckle thinking that dying people can be a little “sneaky”, getting the last laugh, just waiting for that brief moment to pop off, when the loved one, after days of bedside vigils, leaves for 5 minutes to grab a coffee or use the bathroom.
Yves, your mom sounds just like the sort to run her own show. I wish you peace and joy in the happy memories you have of her.
condolences +
correct link?
https://www.statnews.com/2021/12/23/to-lawyers-conviction-of-harvard-chemist-with-china-ties-shouldnt-chill-science-researchers-arent-so-sure/
Yves,
So sad to hear of the demise of your mother. My heartfelt condolences to you.
Your mom certainly understood that you couldn’t come to see her on account of the Hospital’s visitation rules. And she’s thankful for all you did for her including your uprooting yourself from NYC to go and take care of her.
Peace.
As you were to your mother, I was to my parents, and my son is now to me. Bless you.
Yves, I’m so sorry.
My mom lived to a very, very ripe old age, surviving several scares along the way. When the last day did come, I was a distance away but my brother was there. She went into uncharacteristic pain, and he agreed to her receiving a pain-relieving injection from which she did not wake up.
He’s questioned himself many times since on whether he made a fateful mistake, which it’s clear to an objective observer he did not. I think, paradoxically, the most dedicated children worry the most whether they failed their parent at the end, as the last thing that happened takes on magnified importance. It’s clear that analytically you know this, and I hope you can bring your heart to follow your head — you did all you could, including moving to remotest Pigfukia just to care for her. I wish you peace and offer my condolences on your loss.
That is a wise comment. Especially when family members have been moving heaven and earth for a long while, it becomes difficult for them to escape thoughts of failure when the random onslaught of complicated travails finally manage to “spoil” the best planned intentions.
Nothing can take away from the fact that you uprooted yourself and moved to take care of your mother, in the face of so many factors relating to her decline, your own dedicated pro bono mission’s work, personal health issues and the erosions of American crappification everywhere – all crowned by the damned pandemic.
I lost my 86 year old mom in March of 2020 after 8 years of progressive dementia that meant I had to come back to New York from 25 years in CA to take care of her. So many difficulties and disappointments about the circumstances as they unraveled.
But the old saw about grief being attrited over time by cleaving to the unalterable fact that you were lucky to have had the person you loved at all has consoled me and I hope it will eventually do the same for you Yves.
You are obviously a good person and a great daughter and your mom didn’t need one more card and gift to know that.
My deepest condolences.
My heart bleeds for you at this time. Further words now are useless, but time will help to heal.
Deepest, heartfelt condolences.
So sorry about your mother, and especially the circumstances of her passing. My mom lived with us the last seven years of her life. I always related to your stories about her, and very much admired how you cared for her.
Oh Yves, I’m so, so sorry. My deepest condolences. A prayer for both her and you will be said tonight.
Very sorry for you loss Yves.
Touched to read of your Mother’s passing. Sorry you were not able to see her one last time. It sounds though as if she went consciously on her own terms and that is a good thing imho,especially in a controlled environment like a hospital.
Condolences and Peace
Hard to add anything original, other than that all mothers should be lucky enough have daughter like you.
Condolences, Ms. Webber. She’d had a long life and it wasn’t unexpected, but still it’s a peice, of your heart.
May her memory be a blessing. Yves, I wish you healing and peace.
So sorry for your loss. You are a good daughter. There’s a place for you here at RDU.
Dear Yves,
I’m so very sorry for your loss. My dad died earlier this year. He also had dementia, but he was really gone in the brain by the time he died. It’s tough when you feel like you missed an opportunity to give something, but do be kind to yourself. Much love, will
So sorry Yves. Deepest condolences
Yves, please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. From your description, except for the exercise it sounds like the acorn didn’t fall far from the tree. While I feel for you wishing you had gotten her last Christmas gift to her, I would bet your mother thought the greatest gift she ever got was you.
Condolences, Yves. I hope you take some comfort from the comments from this extraordinary community. All my best wishes to you.
Yves, merry Christmas. Holding you and your mother in the light. To the extent we can, we share in your mourning. Much love.
Yves: every day bring sadness and joy to this world. May you find some real joy as you mourn your mother’s passing.
My condolences for your loss. It is never easy. A year and a half ago I lost my mother after a severe stroke. She had wanted to be in her home to the last, so I worked to bring her home from the hospital to hospice care. I am glad to have done that for her.
I’m very sorry to hear about your mother.
Yves, condolences for your loss.
My condolences, Yves. I was giving my partner updates about your mother—and we got a bit solemn and teary when I relayed the news this morning. We’ve read so much about her thanks to your wonderful character sketches that we felt oddly like we knew her.
We’re wishing you the best and keeping you in our thoughts.
Condolences, Yves. You cared wonderfully for your mother, but it sounds as if she had made her mind up that it was time.
My condolences to Yves.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Yves, please accept my condolences. Losing a mother isn’t easy. May she rest in peace.
Yves, so sorry. Words cannot.
Sorry for your loss Yves, take care.
Yves, very sorry. Hoping you can find some peace.
Dearest Yves,
My deepest condolences and sympathies for your loss. My own mom passed away almost 3 weeks ago at the age of 72. I’m not sure I can look at the holiday season in the same way ever again. Four months before that, we had to put down Milton, our beloved cat of 14 years, after he got real sick. I know that 2021 has been a terrible year for you & me & a whole lot of other people. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
So very sorry, Yves. You did all that you could for you mother. My mom passed away when I was in my early 20s. My dad brought her to the hospital when her pain could no longer be controlled at home. Our plan was to be with her early in the morning, but she died before we could get there. In my heart, I believe that was what she wanted.
Be kind to yourself. Your mother was fortunate to have such a loving daughter.
Yves, it was wonderful, your taking such good care of your mother. My sympathies to you on her passing.
I cared for my ailing, elderly mother for five years until her death four years ago. Yes, at times it could be very difficult but I now look back on those years as the most rewarding of my life. She and I grew closer than we’d ever been before—we became best friends—and though she’s gone I have a store of fond memories and a photograph of her smiling face on my desk.
Again, sympathies.
Sorry to hear then news Yves, with your reported trials and tribulation of your mum’s care, it reaches out and touches people who have never met her.
Sorry to hear about your Mom,
Take care.
Yves, thank you for sharing your stories of your mother. I am deeply saddened to hear of her passing. I hope that you find some comfort and rest during this time.
Please accept my condolences. An especially tough loss on Christmas Day too.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Yves. Your feisty mom will be missed.
Yves, heartfelt condolences from here in Europe, across the Great Water.
Yves–
So sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. We know it is inevitable, but never are truly prepared for the loss.
Stay well and take care of yourself. We need you.
Yves,
She was fortunate to have you by her side, unwavering and thoughtful. I’m sure she drew strength from this.
Yves, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I feel that I still carry the pain of the loss of my father, it never leaves, yet the pleasures of living continue to flow.
My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Mom, may the light shine again in your heart with the memories you carry. You shall meet again.
Sorry for your troubles, Yves. You were, and are, a good daughter, having uprooted your life to care for your mom in her final years. Find solace in that.
So sorry for your loss Yves, mothers matter and you had an exceptional one. Cherish the memories of her…
Perhaps a memorial thread with a picture or two would be appropriate?
I’m so sorry to hear of your Mom’s passing Yves. You took great care of her. I enjoyed getting to know her through your stories. Wish I could give you a hug.
My heartfelt condolences Yves. I hope you don’t have too much other fuss to attend to now.
I’m sorry for your loss, my sympathies for you and your family.
Sincere condolences for your loss.
I’ve wanted to return to Manhattan often. It’s where I spent 30 years of my adult, professional life. But the expense is unforgiving. I’ve made an uneasy peace with no longer being there, although I still have a very good agent mid-town who tries diligently to find work for this 65 yr. old baritone – a near impossible task for which I don’t blame her, as it was hard enough to find work for a 25 year old baritone… back when it all started… back when I still had hair.
tempus fugit
Dear Yves,
My deepest sympathies for the loss of your mother from your neighbors to the north in Canada. Please stay safe and take care of yourself.
jhg
very sorry for your loss Yves. please accept my condolences.
Deepest sympathy upon the passage of your mother. Dylan Thomas had it about right, when he wrote ‘Do not go gentle into that good night.’
Your writings about her were touching and insightful.
Yves, I’m so sorry to hear your mother passed. And on Christmas. Death just stuns us. When my mother called to tell me to come and visit her she said, ‘You’d better hurry, I might not be here very long.’ And I said I just had a few things to take care of and I’d be there first thing in the morning. But she died that afternoon and I couldn’t believe the news – “But… she just called me.” Confusion and grief was all I could feel for a month. With weird highs and lows. Hang on to your hat. All my love.
My sincerest sympathy for your loss of your mother. I admire the agency she kept until the last.
May she rest in peace.
Yves, I know no words can provide an adequate balm… may you find some mercy and grace in what we know is inadequately described as, ‘a difficult time’.
Pinging the Universe for you both
Most sincere condolences, Yves. Given what you’ve told us about the remarkable, caring Betty-Jo, suggest asking her to stay on to help you settle things with your mother’s estate and personal belongings. It sounds like you could use a little caretaking yourself.
This is a great, insightful suggestion.
Sorry to read about your Mom’s passing! Take solace in he long and full life she had and that you had with her.
C-L
Sincere condolences. It’s such a difficult time. Cherish the memories of the good times with her throughout your life. My mother died some years ago as she approached 100; every day some happy memory brings me a smile.
Well this is a far cry from hearing about the the two of you sharing another wonderful meal in your favorite Christmas restaurant. And I was silly enough yesterday morning to hope somehow you would get to share something from that chef (to go) one more time.
Since we can’t all bring you hundreds of bowls of potato and fruit salad, don’t forget to eat a little something.
As they used to say in my old southern neck of the woods. You done good, Yves. Real good.
I was living in New Orleans when my mother was dying of cancer in Mobile. I visited every weekend until my father said to skip the upcoming visit because she seemed to be doing a bit better.
She died that Saturday afternoon while my father was at home resting. As others have said above, sometimes a person knows it’s their time to go and will do so when others aren’t around.
May her memory be for a blessing. zi’il
Condolences to Yves for her loss. Very sad news, especially this time of the year.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you better days in the future.
Yves, take care and know that your mother is in peace. Beautiful snow here in the Pac. NW.
Condolences and love, Yves.
Be well Yves, condolences
My sympathy to Yves for the loss of her mother on Christmas Day. No matter how old we are, it is a shattering experience to suddenly be motherless on this planet. If I could hug you, Yves, I would.
My sincere condolences, Yves.
Your mother quietly slipped into all our lives via these pages and to me, her arrival broadened all our horizons. You began NC in finance and anonymity but these days it encompasses the human condition in all its aspects and, perhaps unintended, shines with your personality. Our inability to anticipate and provide for our fellow man, our lack of empathy and planning and in some cases our predation, has been your great topic.
Now your mother has slipped out again, in quiet dignity, but you should console yourself that she has been immortalised – humanity, asperity and all – in your frontline reports from ageing’s dark comedy of filial duty and unreliable carers – another aspect of the neoliberal political economy but this time made personal. Godspeed to your mother and go easy on yourself. And don’t clear out or do anything irreversible until you’ve let things marinate for a while and come up for air.
Very well said. ??
Thank you R, you’ve articulated my thoughts very clearly. Five years ago the idea that I would need to go to an American finance blog to find some humanity would have been laughable to me. nevertheless, here we are.
Yves, sending love and light.
Both you R – and you, too, T T T – are more eloquent than I could ever be.
Yves, I wish you the very best in coming to terms with your new world.
Thank you, sporble…..(blushing T T T).
Thank you for the words I could only in my wildest dreams imagine expressing the sentiments we a hold for Yves!!
Condolences. Lost mine several years ago. Independent at 94, organized to the last item. Still having “conversations” with her, wishing for more, more, more.
Yves, I am very sorry to learn of your mother’s passing.
So I wondered what musical offering I might find. This is Bach’s Erbarme dich from the St. Matthew’s Passion. The orchestra and the performance date are un-credited except for the Julia Hamari solo, they are superb, but she is supreme, in a rendering of a sublime work of musical art. I lay aside all of my atheistic objections. Alice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPAiH9XhTHc
And Yves, as for a place to live, there is Ann Arbor [A2]. It’s central density is increasing, there has been much central development of apartment space [from lower-rise modest to high rise luxurious and in between] and there is a good [ride-able even for a female] bus transit system, but a central location is easily walk-able to necessities [and a host of entertainment and restaurant venues]. Walk-able even to the central UofM health care system. The system is superb, anything you need, they have. A2 rents would be out of reach for me, but then I own a home just east of there [more working class but even more radical]. Many cultural organizations transit from Chicago or New York, or the world, stopping in Ann Arbor but not Detroit. I could have mentioned Detroit, their central city is making a come back but I don’t know. A2 is assuredly amenable to a single professional female. Amenable, even to a poor one like me. I walk in the central city, even after dark without concern. The UofM does have the cache of its economic forecasting. Just thinking. The county is the most leftward in the State. The best for you, Alice.
My condolences on your Mather’s death.
As for a city in which to dwell, Is there a pleasant city in the US with a moderate climate and moderate politics?
Similar to the Loire Valley in France?
.
> a pleasant city in the US with a moderate climate and moderate politics?
I was about to say Burlington, VT — but then, “moderate climate.” Oh well….
Yves, a thought:
NC = Naked Capitalism AND North Carolina. Maybe it’s a sign :-)
My sister (now retired PhD Biologist) has lived in Chapel Hill for years, feels happy and in her element there. I’ve lived for years in NYC but do not feel out of place in NC. Nice mix of people. Except you need a car. That’s a drag.
Yves, i’ve been a big fan of your work since 2007, and a regular here. Deeply sorry for your loss. 2021 has been just godawful. My sister spent months in the hospital recovering from a pair of strokes and chronic lung problems. My mother suffered acute worsening of her incipient dementia as the year wore on and had to go into a nursing home last month.
Understand that you did a absolutely superb job of elder care. Better than like 95% of people around. Talking to people who deal with this sort of stuff, a lot of families can’t handle it, either emotionally, physically, financially, or logistically.
There’s no sense is feeling guilty, as it doesn’t help anything and there’s never a good time to pass.
I hope you find some peace now that this ‘job’ you didn’t really apply for, is completed. I’ve no doubt you’ll quickly find your feet and vigorously pursue your new phase of life. We’re all just happy to be along for the ride.
Sorry for your loss.
No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were:
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
John Donne
Very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother Yves. Best wishes to you.
I’m so sorry, Yves. I’ve always loved reading about your mother and how you cared for her.
Condolences. Sending thoughts of peace.
I’m watching don’t Look Up, … co-written by David Sirota. An Idiocracy-style allegory of climate change, given further gravitas after Covid hit.
Its heavy handed but its genuinely funny. I’d love to see an article and discussion of it in the coming days.
Just came out on Netflix and possibly elsewhere.
This is an inadequate description but I wanted to raise the topic.
Not even so much an allegory on climate change as a depiction of how poorly equipped western society is to face extinction level challenges.
Its not preachy about any real life topic other than how screwed up our society is.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Yves.
Sorry to read of your mother’s passing. But she will live on as a great character who you brought to life again and again on the page. As others have mentioned, this site is more than an economics site, it is a site that is about family in all its iterations. By the way, when my younger sister was dying of a brain tumor, I was told by the counselor that when the time came, my sister might want me out of the room. I didn’t think about it too much until I thought I heard my sister say something. But she had been unconscious for over a day. I heard something like “it’s okay”. So finally l left and as soon as I got back to my hotel, the nursing home called to tell me she had passed. I struggled with this, but I think she did need the space. Life and death are indeed mysterious.
We just relocated from Montana and Upstate NY to Tucson. Never knew much about the desert. Well, I love it! It is a far cry from NYC where I lived for 15 years and a far cry from Montana as the people are much friendlier here. So this Midwestern is happily embracing the West. Don’t know anybody except the locals at the local watering hole, but I have NC for my intellectual buddies and stimulus. But I have friends that moved to North Carolina and are very happy there.
Yes, very sorry to hear. My condolences.
Yves, very sorry to read about your Mom’s passing. May she rest in peace. After reading for quite awhile now all you have been doing and fighting for your Mom through her declining health, and all the time you have been spending with her – oh my, have you given her an incredible and beautiful gift. I hope you will be able to find some time now for yourself, with and without the people you are most comfortable with, and (stoically) adjust to her death.
Yves, I am to hear of the passing of your mother. Life continues as she goes forth on her path.
Insert “sorry”. My ADHD.
May you and yours find peace.
Sincere condolences to you, your family and your mother’s friends.
As for relocating, Canada is worth a look. Our public health system is excellent. If you lived in NYC, you know about snow. Vancouver/Victoria are the best spots climate wise.
“Our public health system is excellent.”
*********
“TORONTO — A new report has ranked Canada’s health system second last, ahead of the United States, among high-income countries.
The report, released on Wednesday by the Commonwealth Fund, ranked 11 high-income countries on key health-system measures, including equity, access to care, affordability, health-care outcomes, and administrative efficiency.
The report found that the top-performing health systems overall are in Norway, the Netherlands, and Australia, while Switzerland, Canada and the U.S. were the countries with the worst health-care systems, respectively.”
https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/canada-s-health-system-ranked-second-last-among-11-countries-report-1.5533045
One of the many deficiencies of Canadian Healthcare is that it is a monopoly. So, there are few alternatives to this bad healthcare system.
Point taken. I’m guessing by your handle that you might be a fellow Canadian from the Atlantic region. Perhaps I should say that our public health system is excellent when compared to the USA. From personal experience I have no complaints. In my 68 years I’ve required minor surgery, emergency room treatment for a wicked lung infection, x-rays, lab tests etc. All provided in a timely, professional and competent manner. The icing on the cake is that no jousting with an insurance company was required. On the other hand, it is true that there is a serious shortage of family physicians and health care is decidedly better if you live in a big city as opposed to a smaller centre. Writing from Vancouver and don’t get me started on BC’s cack-handed handling of the pandemic. In the end however, I do think Canada is worth a look for anyone considering emigrating from the USA. With respect, M
I would love to live in Montreal but Canada is not receptive to older Americans expats!
Hard to add to the above but condolences, xmas day started with my mother calling for the last rites, just left her half an hour ago enjoying festive grub and a chat with one of our neighbours.
She’ll be right one of these days, I suppose.
Yves, my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your mother.
Heartfelt condolences Yves. You did just a phenomenal job of caring for your mom. Thanks for sharing a bit of her with us.. we will miss her! I do love that she was at the helm sailing her own ship out.
My condolences. Love is real not fade away.
I’m so very sorry to hear about your Mom, Yves. After reading that painful piece of news, I called my own 93-year-old Mom just to hear the sound of her voice and her laughter. I will miss her terribly when she too is gone …
I’m so sorry, Yves. We lost my 95 year-old mom on Thanksgiving. Grateful we had her with us for so long, but losing Mom is painful. My deepest condolences to you.
Yves, please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your Mother. I feel I got to know her somewhat through your stories about her. You gave her the greatest gift of all – your love, time, and care. May peace always be with you.
The comment section today, is…..beautiful.
I do not think anyone is reading the links. It is a matter of priorities.
A beautiful symphony indeed. Welled-up this morning and came back for a second helping this afternoon. A gift really. The power of love – a daughter for her mother; the commentariat for their friend.
So sorry to hear about your mother passing, Yves. My deepest condolences for your loss.
I am so sorry about your loss Yves. Sending you love and well wishes from across the Atlantic.
I’m sorry for your loss, Yves! May her rest in peace.
My condolences, Yves. Rest now.
This, and
Blackwater Woods
by Mary Oliver
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
One Art
Elizabeth Bishop
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
Dear Yves,
Heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mum. As others are pointing out above, through your sharing, we’ve come to acquire a sense of knowing about her, and her caretaker as well. I trust that you will take time to grieve and rest. Everything in due time. Perpetual light shine on her, and may she rest in peace.
Thinking of you, Yves. So many wonderful sentiments already expressed by others – a tribute to both you and your mother.
Chance has had it that I have been around quite a few people – friends, family – when they have died. From my experience, it does seem to be often the case that they wait until on their own. A couple of years ago I visited a friend of mine in hospital, sat with him for a while. Then I left the room. Five minutes later he had gone. It seems like maybe they prefer it that way?
Don’t worry about the card and gift. Your mother knew her daughter – she will have known you had got them for her.
My sincerest condolences, Yves. I lost my own 80-year-old father last week; it’s been very hard, so I may have some idea what you’re going through. We’ll both come out the other side, of course, but in the meantime it really, really sucks.
My wife keeps reminding me to take care of myself, so I’ll do the same for you: take care of yourself. Seriously.
Best wishes in your time of sadness…..Thanks for all you do.
My condolences, Yves.
I thought it a bit sloppy of the Daily Mail article about the Village for Vets shelter not to mention that the shelters were sourced from Pallet Shelter, which has built several more such villages (but does not necessarily operate them). They do good work an deserved a mention, too.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
The molnupiravir story is absolutely mind-boggling. Every time you think the authorities can’t f*** this up and shred their already tattered credibility any further, they do! You must grant them points for creativity at least.
So sorry for your loss, Yves.
I can add nothing to the eloquence of the commentariat, and in any case, I’m not thinking, only feeling, with tears welling up. Nor can I add any wisdom from my own experience, as others have done. My mother was in the hospital on Christmas (more than 50 years ago) and died in late January, two weeks before my 11th birthday.
At some point perhaps I will have something meaningful to add re: relocation, as I do have plenty of experience there, particularly in seeking somewhere affordable, where a femme d’un certain âge would actually want to live.
Yves, deepest sympathy. You took amazingly good care of her. I’m sure her last years were full of gratitude and were made easier by the many things you did to help. As has already mentioned, your descriptions of your mother and her situation touched many readers here.
I understand, there are no words. After a while a found a little solace in Bonnhoeffer: “The more beautiful & full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But, grattitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bares what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
Sincere condolences, Yves
Yves, I’m so sorry.
Sorry Yves for your loss.
I’m very sorry, Yves, for the loss of your mother. In time, significant memories will replace minor ones (such as the Christmas card).
Yves , thank you for your great example of love, dedication and sacrifice, as you detailed your relocation and endless battles on behalf of your mother.
Thanks also for sharing her, and this intimate and expansive part of your life, with us all.
With prayers and best wishes
I’m so sorry. You did very well for her, and I believe she must have been very proud of how you show both deep responsibility and love in so much that you do.
China zero-covid 19 – Chinese Terracotta Warriors city Xian in lockdown as Covid-19 outbreak grows [South China Morning Post ] “The northwestern Chinese city of Xian [13.0000.000] launched lockdown measures on Thursday as it accounted for 63 of the country’s 71 new local symptomatic Covid-19 cases, detected in citywide testing.”
EU vs Hungary 21/12/2021 Hungarian President Viktor Orban said his country will not change its harsh immigration rules. His statements come after the EU’s top court found the country’s legislation contradicts EU law. … What is the cost to Hungary in this feud? … Hungary’s unwillingness to go along with the European Court of Justice’s ruling might mean the EU lobs hefty fines on the country. In September, the EU began fining Poland €1 million ($1.13 million) a day, which Warsaw has vowed not to pay, over the supervisory body for its judiciary. … Hungary has already lost its ability to access €7.2 billion ($8.1 billion) in recovery funds from Brussels for failing to comply with anti-corruption measures to check how the funds would be spent.
My sincere condolences on your loss.
Yves, may the stars befriend your mother as she travels to eternity.
And, thank you for letting the commentariat share in her passing. The deep expression of care and concern shown to you here has me in tears.
Life is short, Share it!
Oh no, Yves I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing a bit about her here – she was evidently a remarkable woman. I am a newer occasional commenter who usually reads quietly rather than speaking up, but please accept my sincere prayers and condolences.
Russia doubles down on hypersonic missile tests [Asia Times] “Russia adopting asymmetric hypersonic strategy to offset comparative conventional weaknesses vis-a-vis NATO . … While the US and NATO were first to adopt an offset strategy against the Soviet Union’s quantitative military superiority, it can be said that now the tables have been turned. … Russia’s hypersonic weapons program may be seen as part of a larger asymmetric offset strategy that aims to maintain the deterrent value of its nuclear arsenal, nullify NATO’s qualitative and quantitative superiority and address shortfalls in the country’s conventional force projection capabilities.”
Your fidelity to your mother and your unceasing efforts on her behalf have been intensely moving to me over the years, and I know I’m not the only one.
yes, this speaks for me as well. she must have been a very good mother to have raised such a daughter.
Ditto
The uni filling the ranks of Raisi’s hard-line regime [Asia Times, By KOUROSH ZIABARI DECEMBER 13, 2021]. “As Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi fills out his recently installed ultra-conservative administration, a prominent Tehran university is supplying the lion’s share of top and mid-ranking appointments – marking a notable reversal of the previous Rouhani administration’s preference for Western university graduates. Named after the sixth Shia Imam, Imam Sadiq University (ISU) was established in 1982 with the mission of synthesizing Islamic sciences and conventional humanities and bridging the gap between academic institutions and religious seminaries… “
Dear Yves. I am truly sorry for your loss and send my deepest condolences. Your mother and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Yves, very sorry to hear about your loss. Since your move south and subsequent posts about caring for your mother, it’s made me try to be a better son to my older parents in a similar way. You’ve set a great example here, and I can only hope to be as supportive for my folks as you seem to have been for your mom.
Again, condolences.
So sorry Yves. All my condolences. From what you wrote of her she was one determined woman… and she passed that on to you. For that we NC readers should be very grateful. Thank you mom of Yves.
And Yves, please do take all the time you need to grieve.
Yves, my condolences, I’m sorry for your loss.
Bad news: the Moon hut is only a rock:
https://m.republicworld.com/technology-news/science/moons-mystery-hut-spotted-by-chinese-rover-nothing-but-a-rock-claims-scientist.html
This is deeply disappointing. I was seriously hoping it was a First Contact scenario and the hut was a voting booth.
If the Galactic Federation has any plans to get their pseudopods dirty trying to save the Planet of the Apes from itself, I think the best approach would be to infiltrate our political apparatuses and begin to reshape our global political economy from within. Boy, I’d love to see Hillary and Trump get smacked down by an Insectalien in ‘24.
One can dream ..
With regard to intervention by Higher Powers, if any, in affecting the fate of our planet – if there really are Higher Powers chances are they prefer to work incognito. There’s a question a seeker is said to have asked a spirutual master – “if angelic forces are acting in the world, how is it that humankind is so cast down?” The reply, “If these forces were NOT acting in the world, humankind would not be so cast down – humankind would already be extinct.”
And there’s the saying of the Taoist farmer with the horses that ran away/came back with a wild horse/ who broke his son’s leg while he tried to tame it/ who consequently couldn’t be marched away to fight for the emperor — “who knows if it’s good or bad?”
Lots of love to Yves.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My own mother died five years ago this last Thursday, December 23. In her case, the timing was a comfort because she wanted to go and, though an atheist, she’d always loved Christmas. She slipped away while I was making arrangements to be with her; the hospice had said she had a few days, then called that afternoon to say she was going. They were good: I asked them to tell her we loved her, since she might be able to hear even though she couldn’t talk, and they asked for names to give her. They called again twenty minutes later to say she was gone.
As happens to many people, I have a stronger sense of who she was–not her personality or her behavior, but who she was–since she died. I often feel her nearby. As others have said, she isn’t really gone; she’s just not here with us.
As for where to live, if you can use the subway now you might like upper Manhattan (Inwood and the small pocket called Hudson Heights), where there are still rent-stabilized apartments and the A can take you almost anywhere with one transfer, maybe two, and a walk. Once you’re over 62 or 65, there are a number of good discounts, starting with half-price fares on the MTA, such that I’m not sure the net price is all that bad when you consider that you don’t need a car and its associated hassles and expense. Medical care is good, as you know; life has a lot to offer a single woman with a professional background, as you also know. I’ve found it to be a good place to retire to.
May your mother rest in peace, if that’s what she’d like, and may her memory be for a comfort.
Most sorry, Yves.
Tis life. Full of pain and regret but peppered by clarity, and joy, and moments of truth.
May that spice be enough to swallow this loss.
Peace for all, lost or still carrying on.
Condolences on the loss of your mother.
I am very sorry about your mother’s death. Thank you so much for all you do for the world.
I am sorry for your loss, Yves. Losing one’s mother is a very hard thing.
My Condolences. You have a gift. You brought you mom to life and am sad at her passing and your loss.
My condolences.
Yves, I am so sorry to hear that your mother died and you weren’t there. I have been visiting Naked Capitalism for over 10 years every night that I feel you, Lambert, and everyone else are old friends. So I am sitting here crying about your loss. I hope you find a nice place to live.
Sincere condolences Yves.
Yves, I am sorry for your grief, and hope you find solace in knowing that you were there for your mother in the last bit of her life. With all the stresses of relationships, that is certainly one of the deepest gifts you could give.
My sincere condolences on your loss. Losing one’s mother is always a terrible loss. May you find peace quickly, and only the good memories remain.
I’ve been following the blog on a two day delay and just reading this now. Very sorry, Yves, especially the timing and that you were not allowed to see her.
Be kind to yourself.
Dear Yves, condolences for your loss. When my grandfather passed away, he also had a premonition about it. The malady being covid, they did not let him return from the Hospital.
I hope you are able to put yourself together after all this.
I met you at a San Franciso meet-up 3 1/2 years ago, when I was very freshly a widow, and I have never forgotten that night or regretted that first venture out of the house. You’ve taught me so much about grit and vim. I’ve cherished the glimpses into your mother’s life. You fought the good fight for her every single day. I wish you comfort and peace.
So sorry for you at your mothers quick crossing and the grief that has visited on you.
Donald Winicott had a prayer: “May I be alive when I die.” I reckon you being there, doing what you did, helped make that prayer work for your mum.
My parents are in their late 80’s. Your example sets a standard for me.
Thank you, and – it’s obvious – your mum.
My sincere condolences Yves. I moved back to the motherland to take care of my mother who’s sliding into dementia so I can somewhat relate.
This poem has helped me in times of grief.
TIS A FEARFUL THING
Yehuda HaLevi
‘Tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch.
A fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be –
to be,
And oh, to lose.
A thing for fools, this,
And a holy thing,
a holy thing
to love.
For your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.
To remember this brings painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.
Dear Yves,
My deepest condolences on your loss. May the comfort and love from friends and family provide solace to you during this difficult time.
AA
My sincere condoleances Yves.
My sympathy for your loss. It took me some time to organize my thoughts and feelings when I lost my mother. It will take a while so please be gentle to yourself.
Right now just know that you are much loved by many and also know that you gave your mother the gift of time. Quality time.
You carried the burden of moving to her location and of struggling with the medical and care system such as it is in this country.
Now I am in the winter of life, and I appreciate the value of time. It is literally priceless, and you gave it to her when it was needed. The card and present were kind but she had already received the gift that matters most.
In time you will find her in yourself. The gifts she gave you of strength, determination and more have been and will be yours always.
Bless you for sharing your family, your knowledge and your time with all of us. Thank you.
Ana in Sacramento
Condolences, Yves. Thank you for all the work you do.
I am so sorry for your loss, Yves. Especially during a challenging pandemic.
She seems to have been a very intelligent, strong, and clear sighted lady, and, as Ana so eloquently stated above, I am sure she felt comforted with you by her side – the greatest gift a child can give her mother. As well, I am sure she was proud of your life and work, including the exceptional community you have built here on NC. You have touched, enlightened and inspired so many of us (despite the herding of cats it may be to you at times).
In Japan, souls are believed to stay on Earth for 49 days (7 weeks), during which we pray for their safe passage into the afterlife/rebirth. I will keep your mother in my prayers.
We are so sorry for your loss Yves! I’ve been very grateful for your descriptions of how you have cared for your dear mom over these years; my own mom has moved in with us this year, and I have tried to be as organized, faithful and compassionate as you have been.
And Desmond Tutu?
R.I.P.
Condolences, Yves. I hope that you may find a small consolation that you valiantly did your part and took care of your mom as her health declined.
Adding my voice to the condolences and wishing you deepest sympathies.
I am sorry to hear of your mother’s death. It adds yet another sadness to what is become a sad season. This may sound strange — I envy the quiet dignity of circumstance and the way your mother died. I hope I will be able to die as gently and as well when my time comes.
In a world where most people consider a chore to spend time with their parents for thanksgiving or christmas you took care of your mom with dedication to the end.
What a dignified way to go, god bless her soul and you.
Deepest condolences, Mme. Yves.
My most sincere condolences, Yves.
Very few words Yves, very sorry for your loss and wish you well.
So sorry for your loss Yves.
Your comment that your inability to be able to give your mother her Christmas card and gift is nagging you struck a note. It’s the small things. Or, maybe they are much bigger than we can possibly imagine.
I had always made a point of trying to make the last words I said to my kids in conversation was “I love you”.
Yet I can’t remember if I had said that to my son as bounded out the door to his first summer job. Because of a freak accident later that day.we lost him.
Sometimes that regret is like the worst acid we torture ourselves with. Try not to go there. I have no doubt your Mother knew all that you did for her and you should take comfort and focus on those memories. Not that it makes it any easier, just trying to offer some helpful, if useless at the moment, words.
Be well
Hearty condolences, Yves. Thank you for sharing your story.